This lovely memoir excerpt from Mary Lane Cryns took us back to the perils of childhood—imagined and real—and to the place where secrecy, risk, and trust intersect.
On a cool spring day in 1968, the year I turned 11, David Hirrell and I set out on an adventure at Sutro Forest, the forest of eucalyptus trees that towered above the massive UC Hospital up the street from where I grew up.
We were alone and not with the rest of the gang, which comprised my brother and sister Michael and Jennifer, David’s little brother Barry, and the Solis boys from up the street, Ricky and the gang. He stood almost a head taller than me, with his sandy blonde hair and dark eyes offset by his chubby face. Sometimes he made me so mad and he was mean to me, and I was mean to him too. But today we were having one of our nice days.
David and I walked close to one another, our bodies touching many times—but neither of us doing anything about it. It was probably the first time in my life I felt that weird connection with someone that was more than just friends. Just a tiny glimpse, though.
We traversed up and down rugged trails, sometimes along the sides of perilous cliffs on the hillside. I picked up a stick and used it to crash through vines. Both of us suddenly realized that we might be lost.
“Where the heck are we?” I said to David.
“I dunno!” David shrugged.
Our bodies touched from time to time, our sweaty hands almost clasping but not quite. These were tender moments. I knew it, but I dared not say anything about it because it might break the magic spell we seemed to be under that neither of us could explain.
We became lost in the middle of Sutro Forest, high above the rest of the world. The north part of San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge stretched below us beyond UC Hospital. The sweet, pungent smell of the blue gum eucalyptus trees, some so tall you could barely see the tops of them, filled my nostrils. While in the wooded area, David stopped and pulled out a scout knife, and made his way to a eucalyptus tree close by.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he carved on the tree.
“You’ll see. But hear me now…” David said.
I could hear birds chirping, but all the sounds of the city were far away and muffled here in this mysterious forest. I wondered if we’d be able to find our way out or if we would wander these trails until dark. What would we do? Camp in the forest? Would anyone be able to find us?
“Okay, there! But you’ve gotta promise, you’ve gotta swear before you see this”
“Before I see what?” I tried to peek around at David, but his massive body stood in the way.
“You’ve gotta promise never to tell anyone about this—swear to secrecy.”
“Okay, okay,” I laughed.
“No, for real.” David sounded serious. He used his bossy voice. It was the first time I’d heard that voice all day.
“Okay, all right.” I crossed my heart. “Cross my heart, hope to die, poke a needle in my eye!”
David seemed satisfied with this, so he moved aside so I could see what he’d carved into the tree. I saw an enormous heart on the tree, and in the middle of the heart were the distinct words, “David & Mary were here.”
I didn’t know what to say. David swore me to secrecy because I knew it meant something.
David looked right into my eyes and I looked back into his. “This is just between you and me, okay?”
“Yes, I understand,” I said.
Then David grabbed my hand and pulled me along, “C’mon, let’s keep going!”
I held on to David’s hand as long as I could. It felt warm and inviting, even though we were both sweaty. The other time David had grabbed my hand was that day we went to the beach, and I almost got swept out to sea by this huge wave — our mothers had warned us about the undertow at the beach, but of course, we had not listened. The sneaker wave had knocked me down, and I sputtered and spit water out because my face fell right into the salty freezing water, and just when I thought for sure I was a goner, feeling the pull of the ocean, I felt a hand grab mine.
“Grab on!” David had shouted, and he’d pulled me—pulled me right out of the water. He saved my life that day.
We stood by that eucalyptus tree for a while and then continued our journey. I didn’t want to let go of David’s hand. I wanted to hang on forever because as long as I held on to David’s hand, it didn’t matter if we could not figure out where we were.
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